Chain-smoking, her shoulders held high and stiff, twenty-eight year old Jane swung her leg back and forth, giving an extra kick at the end of each oscillation. Appearing depressed and frustrated, she focused her sapphire blue eyes through the window of my mid-rise office.

There was a brief silence. She extinguished her cigarette and then stared at her folded hands.

“It happened again last night – I got dumped right after dinner,” she reported. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but after I go out on that first date, the guy always gives me the boot.” She looked directly at me. “It really hurts, you know? It’s getting pretty old and I am just about ready to give up on the dating thing altogether – it’s just not worth it!”

Can you relate to Jane? If so, then you know how painful it can be to discover what it is like to be “dumped” after that first romantic interlude. After speaking with Jane and asking her some probing questions, we mutually discovered that she was engaging in some common first date “mistakes” that, unbeknownst to her, were chasing her suitors away. Specifically, Jane spoke on subjects that are best avoided during those first few critical moments of date number one.

Here are five topics to avoid on that first date:

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This is a common mistake and one that often causes a once interested suitor to “flee”. Going out on a “first date” is an opportunity to start fresh and anew. Try to avoid any conversations about your old boyfriend/girlfriend and focus on the interests of the person you are with. Think about it – nobody likes to feel as if they are the “transition date”.

2) Never Talk About Politics

This is another common “first date” mistake. There will be plenty of time to discuss your love of Bill Clinton or your extreme fondness for Ronald Reagan – but on that first date, avoid setting yourself up for controversial and heated discussions over politics.

3) Skip the Religion Angle

On that first lighthearted date, do you really want to engage in conversations regarding “Whose religion is better?” There will be plenty of time to discuss theology and the roles of religion in your life, but one date number one, avoid this topic like the plague!

4) Don’t Talk About How Lousy Your Job Is

Your first date should be a positive experience, for both you and the person you have agreed to meet. Talking about your job and how lousy it is will only serve to create a negative “mental” picture of you. If the topic of work does come up (it probably will), try to remain upbeat while focusing in on the positive aspects of your position. Believe it or not, a positive attitude is contagious! More importantly however, a positive attitude will help to increase your chances of being asked out on date two!

5) Don’t Brag About Your Accomplishments

This may sound rather brutal, however it is best to avoid trying to impress your suitor. Does it really matter that you graduated at the top of your class on date number one? If you talk about yourself too much, your date may get the wrong impression and think he/she cannot compete or worse, think you are arrogant! If you simply must talk about your accomplishments, try something less serious, like the time you won first place in your eight-grade spelling bee! In other words, tone down the bragging.

Summary

Making that first date a success takes a lot of work but the benefits are worth it. Here is a tip: Try to get your date to talk about him/herself and then judge for yourself if the two of you are compatible. Why does this trick work? Simply, because it is only natural for a person to want to talk about him/herself – so while they are yammering, you are appearing smart and concerned! Also, letting your date take the lead in the conversation will help to keep things running smoothly. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time to talk about the things you enjoy – but on date number one, try to create a little mystery about yourself Here’s another tip: Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. This means if your date begins to discuss a topic that you are uncomfortable with (such as your favorite sexual position), tell him or her that you would prefer to take things a bit slower. It may sound weird, but the “Hard to Get Rule” sometimes really works!

So what happened to Jane? She began to avoid these five topics and soon discovered that her “first dates” started turning into second, third and fourth ones. Before long, she had so many dates lined up that found herself in the position of “dumping” her less desirable suitors in favor of others – talk about turning the tables! This can happen for you too. And why not – you’re worth it!

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