Page 2

11) To Get Subtle Attention--Whisper

Should you want to get the attention of someone across the room, try whispering into someone else's ear close to you. It will make others wonder, "Why is she excluding me?" or think, "What is that man saying about me to his friend?" Whispers invoke fear and intrigue, and make people want to be included.

You do need a partner for this technique, preferably one of the same sex, if you have your eye on another person. Now face in his or her direction but whisper in the ear of a friend. Now smile at the recipient of your flirtation--you'll certainly get his or her attention. If they're close, they may even approach you.

Once you have started a conversation with your intended, you can still use this potent force. When talking to them, whisper. Now, try whispering (it doesn't matter what) in their ear. This has very potent sexual overtones. Don't do it unless you are sure you like them, as it is easy to lead someone on by doing this.

continue

We are all creatures of habit. Some of them are good, some bad, but most of them are just routines that make life simpler. And boring. If you can help someone out of an old routine and into a new one, you automatically become an integral part of the new ritual in that person's mind.

One of the pleasures of flirting or responding to flirting is in the new adventure that awaits you. Whether for a moment, or an evening, or a lifetime. (What, you've never been on a roller coaster?) And as a flirt who becomes ingrained in someone's daily routine, you have something else going for you: your flirting power carries over to the activity itself.

13) Leave Them Wanting More

When you flirt, you are giving someone your undivided attention. There is nothing more flattering. However, people want what it appears they cannot have. An expert flirt will emote until the woman he is trying to attract responds. Then he will back off. When things are going well, a good flirt won't wait around until the conversation hits a bump. He will leave.

So, follow the successful flirts. Leave the second you know you're hitting it off fabulously with someone and you're sure you'll see or hear from her again. Or you're sure you can make this chance encounter recur.

14) Create and Use Nicknames

When you observe happy couples, you'll notice that they call each other by special pet names--reserved for them alone. The use and creation of nicknames can precede or follow new relationships, but it is a very important stepping-stone to intimacy.

So as soon as you can find a clever nickname to call someone, do. It can be a short phrase, but one or two short words is best. And make sure the other person creates one for you. Normally this will happen as a basic outgrowth of fumbling around to get to know each other. An effective nickname must not be too common or too flattering, and it should never be mean.

15) Drop Names

When you are flirting, names give you cachet and credibility, and add to your social profile. Plus, people like to feel connected to you in some way. If the gorgeous brunette just happens to work with your friend Jennifer, tell her so. This is the connective tissue of social interchange.

For male flirts, dropping names of local heroes, dignitaries, or well-known people in the community can be quite helpful. It gives a woman her proof of your stability, which enhances your attractiveness.

16) Wear, Bring, or Carry Something Unusual

In decorating, this would be called the conversation piece. It can be a piece of clothing, jewelry that is more outrageous than pretty, a book you carry, or any personal quirk. Once you have this invaluable item, if people don't ask you questions about it, you can use the object to begin conversations. The fact that you are discussing not you or them, but your object, makes the flirting so much more discreet, and effective.

17) Use the Old 1-2-3 Routine

Picture a moth flirting with a flame; there's a dance in and out. Duplicate this for the 1-2-3 flirting technique. Your boldest move is the first one. It is the time you are as assertive as you are ever going to be.

The "1" is your approach. It is dazzling, outrageous, flirtatious, bold, appealing, overly forward, and spontaneous.

The "2" is a complete back-off. After two or three minutes of displaying your delightful personality, back off. Distance yourself from your flirting companion. This gives your partner a chance to assess you. Not to scrutinize, but to take in your presence. If there is too much of a rush about you, it not only seems too forward, but also threatening and undesirable.

The "3" is a renewal of flirting. But not to the degree of the initial flirtation. The best guideline is about 80 percent of your original intensity. Continue between 60 and 80 percent for the rest of the time you are with someone. By this time, your flirting partner will be contributing to some of the flirting, and if they're not, it's time to move on.

18) Try Intermittent Reinforcement

Studies have shown that the most effective way to get someone to do something consistently is not to give them constant praise or constant criticism, but to intermittently give rewards.

This is equally effective when flirting. For example, consider the man who flirts with a woman for a while then pays no attention to her at all. Did she do something wrong?

Or the woman who tells a man, "Call me sometime," but never answers her phone and never returns any messages, until she's good and ready.

This is intermittent reinforcement working overtime. And this is a fabulous--albeit a bit calculating--technique for making someone start worrying about your opinion.

A word of warning: Don't do this more than once. The intermittent reinforcement tactic should only be used when you are close to desperate. It is not necessarily nice, but it does work.

19) Limit the Amount of Time You Flirt

If you are afraid of flirting, but would really like to give it a try, help yourself out by limiting the amount of time you flirt in any one day. Give yourself a limit to the amount of time you'll devote to the opposite sex. Say, "I'll flirt for only 30 minutes on weekdays." Or flirt only on Thursday nights. At a party where you are trying out your flirting wings, make up your mind to flirt during the first 20 minutes of the party, and then relax.

20) Set a Numerical Goal

Tell yourself you're going to flirt until three men comment on how well your gorgeous blue dress matches your eyes. Or until three women agree to have coffee with you. Or five customers smile at you.

One benefit of having a number in mind is that it disassociates you from a person (which is good for beginning flirts, although this eventually could harm intimacy), so you are not as threatened by the flirting encounter. For example: If you think of Judy as the most desirable woman in your neighborhood, you put yourself under needless pressure. Lift this burden by thinking of Judy as the fourth woman who commented on how cute your dog is.

The Five Don'ts of Flirting

1) Don't depend on others to make things happen.
If you could depend on them to get things started, you wouldn't need to flirt.

2) Don't tease.
Offering others more than you intend to give always backfires.

3) Don't cling.
Don't monopolize one person all night long. Wait for them to indicate their desire to continue being with you.

4) Don't dwell on flirting.
Do it and forget it. Keep your playful tone at all times.

5) Don't fidget.
It's annoying. You are fidgeting when you let your nervous tension out in unintentional ways. You are not fidgeting if you are tapping your fingers to Stevie Wonder. You are fidgeting if you tap them throughout a supposedly flirtatious conversation.

• Back to Page 1

Be The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want To Leave
Discover the secret to understanding men -- and using it to your advantage. You'll learn how to captivate him, make him fall in love with you and give you the world! Click here

• Back to Dating Tips
• Read More Articles

• Authors: Article Submission