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No matter what you think, to be a great flirt it's not necessary to be devastatingly attractive, rich, smooth, or good at batting your eyelashes. To master the fine art of flirting, you must decide you want to be a flirt.

And because flirting requires a carefree heart, it is essential that you begin with reasonable expectations. This has multiple benefits: You are more likely to have small triumphs at the beginning, which will encourage you to continue. You have less invested in flirting, thereby making you more discriminating about when and with whom you flirt. And you'll have fewer initial mistakes, particularly the most common error, that of overdoing.

Think of flirting as exercise. Like exercising, it is always tough to do at the beginning. You may be out of shape after being out of the dating game for a while. Or maybe you were never in prime flirting shape. Read on for 20 tips that will help you become a great flirt and spice up your love life.

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Flattery is to flirting what a match is to dynamite. Explosive. So to refine the power of flattery, you must be sincere. Expert, mutually rewarding flattery is harder to pull off than most people think. Here are some guidelines:

1. Figure out what strikes you about this person.

2. What potentially flattering statements would he or she most like to hear from someone else? What area of his or her person, accomplishments, or activities have not been totally confirmed by society?

3. Once you determine this, use it.

Flattery is most effective when there is an element of surprise. When someone doesn't expect the compliment. Telling a CEO that he is "doing great things for his company" is nice. But saying that you "love his sense of humor and his smile" will make his day. The first compliment he knows himself, the second he may suspect, but the fact that you mentioned this is delightful and surprising.

2) Say Hello With Energy

When you say hello, pretend that there is an electrical current pulsating through your body. It is brief--like turning on a light bulb just for a second. Remember that what follows from an introduction or meeting depends on how your new acquaintance perceives your hello.

Practice it. Listen to your voice on a tape recorder. Does it sound like you are happy to see them? Or does the tone project boredom, lack of interest, low energy, anxiety, or fear? Put a little sparkle in your voice, a lilt; but keep the overall pitch low.

3) Shake Hands

Handshakes are too formal for people interested in flirting, you think? Think again. Reaching out, touching a hand, holding it, squeezing it, and letting go are all very sensual, tactile, personal activities. When else, unless you make it to the hand-holding stage, will you hold this person's hand again? So make your first handshake count.

As in saying hello, a handshake needs special energy. Before you shake hands, mentally dwell on the sensations you expect to feel and receive in your right hand and arm. Focus attention to that spot, put energy into it, but not strength. Try these:

Flirtatious Handshake #1: The Politician
In this handshake you reach out with your right hand. If you are a woman, you should then reach out and slightly brush the fingers of his right hand with your left hand. This must be done quickly, so it's barely noticed. If you are man, with your left hand touch either her wrist, the top of her right hand, or the fingers on her right hand.

Flirtatious Handshake #2: The Squeeze
At the end of this shake, you finish with a tiny, extra squeeze. This should not be tight but merely a surge of energy. Then let go. Doing this signals that you are warm, confident, and that there is a definite attraction.

4) Make Immediate, Direct Eye Contact

If coordinated with what you are saying, this is the most effective and direct flirting technique. And even when not coordinated, it can be dazzling.

Eye contact establishes intimacy: it can be either intrusive or caring. So the power with which you lock eyes for the first time will determine the starting level of the conversation. If you lock eyes in a tentative fashion, expect a tentative conversation. If you feel a thunderbolt, fantastic! But watch out--overly sexual or inviting eye invitations are the main cause of misinterpretations of motives between two people.

5) Repeat the Person's Name

Follow the three-times rule regarding names. Repeat the name when you are introduced. "John?!? Great to meet you." Do it again when talking to your flirting partner or when referring to her in a three-way conversation. And mention it a third time when saying goodbye.

You can increase your chances of flirting success by doing your new companion a favor. Remind him or her of your name. Include it in an anecdote you are telling. Remember, if someone doesn't know your name, they have nothing to attach to the phone number you may have given them.

6) Ask "No One Ever Asked Me That Before" Questions

People are always interested in themselves. In fact, one definition of love is "What another person feels toward you when you reflect for them a view of what they'd like to think they are."

The same holds true in flirting, only on a more fundamental level. Each person loves to have someone as interested in them as they are in themselves. One way to satisfy that common desire is to ask questions. Not overly personal questions, but questions that are uncommon.

7) Do a Double Take

Have you noticed that people can tell when you are staring at them even in a car? How they turn and stare back? A double take has the effect of staring, but is 100 percent better. In effect, you are saying that something (another person, object, or activity) caught your attention. Since humans are by nature curious, this person will want to know what you see. He or she will meet your gaze, and--Eureka!--from across a crowded room something will have begun.

8) Ask for Your New Friend's Life Story

Everyone loves to talk about themselves--and after they've revealed some of their inner thoughts and ambitions, they feel so close to you. A magical bond has been established. But the trick here is to go first. If you ask a person out of the blue to tell you about themselves, it amounts to a demand to perform and puts them on the defensive. But if you go first, they'll feel much more open and will reveal more.

Carefully choose the place for all this. If there are people around who can hear, then don't exchange life stories.

9) Have Something to Say by Keeping Up to Date

One of the plusses of being with another person is that you are stimulated intellectually. Another person makes you think of things, do things, try things, and vicariously experience things you normally wouldn't. So, make sure you are a good partner when you flirt.

The easiest, fastest, and best way to keep up to date is to familiarize yourself with the news of the day; best-selling books, records, videos; top-grossing movies; etc. One really great way to do this, of course, is to read about what interests you online.

10) Play with a Piece of Clothing

For women: Dangle a shoe in a rhythmic way, play with an earring. Applying a tiny bit of lip gloss from a pot can be very flirtatious, but avoid powdering your nose, it makes you look old. The secret here is not in what you are doing, but in the rhythmic movements you are making. Rhythm is both sexual and comforting.

For men: Adjust your tie, your cuffs, your hair. Twirl your drink. Pacing is very masculine, and if done in a steady tempo can be somewhat appealing. It also allows a woman to ask why you are doing it.

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